Cruelty has always been a part of childhood, but many adults are unaware of just how prevalent horrific incidents are. What may start as taunting and passing notes at schools, and move to “instant messages” and derogatory blogging, can drive the targeted student to despair and suicide.

“Bullying—that is, intentionally and chronically inflicting physical or psychological pain—has been around forever,” acknowledges SuEllen Fried, coauthor of Bullies, Targets & Witnesses: Helping Children Break the Pain Chain and founder of BullySafeUSA, a nationwide educational program. “But the violence has increased in the last few years. And there’s a far greater spectrum of tactics—physical, verbal, emotional and sexual—than before.”
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According to a 2001 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, around 11 percent of 12- to 15-year-olds are “moderately or frequently” bullied. “Bullying can seriously affect children’s mental health, self-esteem, thoughts about suicide, health and academic work,” says developmental psychologist Susan Limber, Ph.D., a professor at Clemson University’s Institute on Family and Neighborhood Life, in Clemson, South Carolina.

Do experts believe that bullying alone could be responsible for a child’s suicide? “It’s a chicken–egg question,” says Dr. Limber. “Certainly kids who are depressed, who have problems with self-esteem, may react more negatively to bullying than other kids. At the same time, depression and low self-esteem can result from bullying.”

One reason the crisis ha been hard to contain is that the harassment takes place stealthily, sometimes out of sight of parents and teachers, whether it happens in school bathrooms or in cyberspace. Once bullying is discovered, many adults—assuming it’s a rite of passage that teaches kids to stand up for themselves—fail to take it seriously and intervene ineffectively or not at all, according to Nancy Mullin, director of the Project on Teasing and Bullying at Wellesley Centers for Women, in Massachusetts.

The growing phenomenon of cyber-bullying has exacerbated the problem. Hiding behind the anonymity of computers, bullies can humiliate their victims by sending vicious text messages and posting hateful rumors in chat rooms, on bulletin boards and on blogs.

“We used to think that bullies were social outcasts with such low self-esteem that they needed to pick on others to feel good about themselves,” says Dorothy L. Espelage, Ph.D., associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “But in fact bullies are just as likely to be the popular kids, admired by peers and teachers, especially if they’re attractive and athletic.” Nor are bullies necessarily from disadvantaged backgrounds. “You’ll find bullies in intact families of high economic status,” Dr. Espelage notes. “The common denominator seems to be lack of supervision. Kids who are continuously unsupervised by parent are more likely to become bullies.”

While boys still do more bullying, girls are guilty, too, though their tactics tend to be different. “Boys are more apt to operate alone and are more physical and in your face, especially when it comes to sexual name-calling,” says Mullin-Rindler. “Girls are more verbal and indirect. They bully in groups, exclude their targets from their lunch table or clique, make fun of a person’s appearance or gossip to destroy reputations.”

Regardless of background, bullies tend to follow certain patterns. “Until age 6 or 7 they’re indiscriminate—they pick on everyone they consider weak,” says Fried. “Older bullies ‘go shopping.’ They cast a wide net in the fall but by December they’ve narrowed their focus to the few whose victimization gives them the most satisfaction—almost invariably those who withdraw from confrontation or radiate an aura of vulnerability.”

“Bullies continue their antisocial behaviors throughout their lifetimes,” adds Dr. Espelage. “They may be involved in dating or marital violence or workplace harassment.”

Of course, bullies have far more victims than merely their immediate targets: Some kids cheer on the bully in order to be accepted; other stand by passively for fear of being next. Both reactions can give rise to feelings of helplessness, anger and guilt, notes Dr. Espelage.

Find more tips for keeping your child safe at www.lhj.com/bullying

If Your Child is Being Cyber-Bullied - K. Emily Bond

Recognize the Problem Such online sources as www.wiredsafety.org, www.wiredkids.org, www.internetsuperheroes.org, www.stoptextbully.com and StopCyberbullying.org explain what constitutes cyber-bullying and outline steps parents can take to protect their children.

Keep Personal Computers Public Since many kids will not reveal they are being picked on, parents should be on the alert for negative emotional reactions when their kids are using the Internet. The best way to do so, says Nancy Willard, director of the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use, is to “keep the family computer in a public area of the house.”

Crack Down on Abusive E-mails If your child gets threatening or harassing e-mails, do not delete them. To take action against a bully, it is imperative to save all evidence. Forward the harasser’s e-mails to the sender’s e-mail provider (most providers have an address for “abuse”) with a request that a cyber-bully’s account be terminated. If you have difficulty figuring out who the bully’s provider is, software packages (eMailTrackerPro) can trace an e-mail back to the computer that sent it and report abuse to the owner’s Internet service provider. Spam filters can also be used to block the receipt of e-mails from the “problem” address.

Exercise Your Rights Sites that host chat rooms or blogs have detailed “terms of use” agreements. These are your best defense in combating derogatory Internet content. For example, if offensive material is posted on AOL, says a spokesperson, “we remove it and take action ranging from a warning to dismissal from AOL service. If the material crosses into illegality, we refer it to law enforcement.”

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