During the first few weeks of school, chances are your kids aren’t only bringing home new textbooks and homework assignments. They may also be uploading a litany of complaints that leave you wondering: How is my kid really doing? Is her bad attitude a sign she’s just having a little trouble getting used to the routines of school again? Or is it more serious? Will she fail to graduate from high school, as is the case for one-third of American kids, according to a 2006 Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation study? Will she have the life and career I want for her?

Here are the most common student complaints that parents of junior high and high school kids have reported to me during my eight years as an English teacher in New Jersey, along with my advice on playing detective and figuring out what they mean, and most important, the inside scoop on what you should do if these grumblings are signs of serious problems. Help is available at your child’s school if you know where to find it. These are critical years. You don’t want your kids to fall through the cracks and schools don’t either.
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“I’m too stupid for school.”

Decode it: Ask yourself if this is the first time your child has complained about feeling “stupid.” If so, the problem for a junior high school student in the first weeks of September might simply be getting used to the challenge of having several teachers in one day. He heads for science class and ends up in the music room. Believe me, school may seem like chaos to your 12-year-old right now. A high school student may be facing more difficult work than she had in the lower grades. Suddenly she has to take notes, do independent research and read more pages each night than she thinks possible. A few weeks ago she was working on her tan, not algebra. Providing some encouragement and a quiet place to do homework may solve the problem and get your child acclimated to the demands of a new grade level.

Another possibility, of course, is that your child is up to the challenges but is shirking them—and wants to enlist your sympathy so you will help him avoid schoolwork. Hey, kids can always dream! Think about whether objecting to assignments is part of a pattern. Does he also complain about other obligations, such as chores or participating in family events? Ask to see his upcoming homework and determine whether he has studied for tests or come up with online and library sources for reports. If he understands the material but isn’t making an effort, tell him that schoolwork is not optional—it’s absolutely required.

If your child does try hard for several weeks and still feels she’s not smart enough, make an appointment to see the teachers of subjects in which she’s struggling. Again, the root of the problem may be easily determined. Perhaps you and the teachers will realize that your child didn’t grasp some basic concepts in an earlier grade and needs extra help to come up to speed. Make an arrangement for her to stay after school so the teacher can help her or check with the guidance office for school-sponsored tutoring sessions. If that’s not enough, ask for referrals to private tutors.

If tutoring does not solve the problem, the next step is talking to the guidance office about a thorough evaluation of your child’s learning difficulties. This will include a battery of tests checking everything from his ability to perceive spatial relationships to his motor coordination. I once saw a child’s low grades improve when he received a hearing aid for a previously undetected minor hearing problem. Some kids have simply needed glasses to excel. By federal law, public schools are required to provide children the help they need, and that includes developing individualized education plans, if necessary, outlining all sorts of assistance, including occupational or physical therapy and offering accommodations such as large-print worksheets and tests.
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“My teacher is an idiot”

Decode it: This catchall covers a lot of ground. Engage your child in conversation about just what kind of idiot the teacher is. Ask (oh so casually—you don’t want a teen to think you’re prying) for examples. You need to figure out whether it’s the teacher of the material that’s lacking. In the first weeks of school, teachers do a lot of review work in order to be sure all the kids understand the basics. Teachers are also sizing up individuals’ abilities, preparing to help those who are struggling and challenge those who are excelling. This process may seem dull to the brighter kids, but it’s preparation for the more exciting work to come. If your child is still complaining in October, ask to speak to the teacher. If the curriculum won’t become more demanding, perhaps your child needs to change to a more advanced class.

A more serious issue is a teacher who is inexperienced or incompetent or has been teaching so long she’s coasting. If you’re uncomfortable with the grades and comments the teacher puts on your child’s homework and tests—perhaps they are vague or just plain wrong—find out who the teacher’s supervisor is and set up a meeting. Afterward, if you’re still convinced that the teacher isn’t competent, have your child switched to another class; if one isn’t available, work with her at home and check her tests and homework yourself. She can also attend tutoring sessions to bridge the gaps. This way you can be sure your child is positioned for a better experience, with a better teacher, next year.

“Why should I care about geometry and chemistry? I’ll never use them again.”

Decode it: Kids sure will use them again. As adults they may not have to know that an isosceles triangle has two equal sides but they will need strong, agile minds. Learning is like exercising a muscle, and each grade’s courses are workouts that make the mind increasingly powerful. Tell your child you don’t want him to grow up to be a mental wimp. You want him to be able to face any challenge that comes along, thanks to having wrestled with the concepts presented by math, science, literature and other subjects.

“My teacher is weird.”

Decode it: This objection usually presents an opportunity to teach tolerance. Peer-orientated preteens and teens may disparage anyone whose clothes or hair are a bit out of date or unusual. I once wore a beret to school and discovered that my otherwise well-behaved students wouldn’t listen to me at all while I had it on. I quickly ditched my too-exotic headgear. A foreign accent may also be off-putting for kids who are not used to meeting people from other countries. Remind your child that he wouldn’t want to be prejudged, so he shouldn’t do it to someone else. Besides, you know—and your kids should, too—that teaching isn’t a popularity contest. It’s about providing excellent lessons, not about looking cool.

If further conversations with your child turn up evidence of truly unsuitable behavior on the teacher’s part, such as inappropriate touching or suggestive Internet messages, contact the principal immediately.

“Who needs school? I make $300 a week at the mall.”

Decode it: Do the math for your child. Write “$300” at the top of a piece of paper. Then deduct the cost of two pizzas, three video games and three pairs of designer jeans. Or the cost or her hair highlights and car insurance so she could drive to her job as fast-food worker or mall cashier. This will show her she can barely afford these items much less her own rent, utilities and food as she will need to do one day. Give her the facts: On average, high school dropouts earn about $9,200 less a year than high school grads, according to the Gates Foundation study. The same research shows that college graduates make over a million dollars more in their lifetimes than high school dropouts. That $300-per-week job should be sounding pretty grim by now.

Copyright 2006 by Ladies Home Journal Magazine. All rights reserved.
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